April 20, 2016

  • Went to morning classes as usual.
  • I had a quaint outdoor lunch with Sean and Ryan in the Newcomb Courtyard. Ankita joined in as well.
  • Stopped by The Pie Guy to buy a bottle of Caribé before 19th-Century Music. Ran into Shreyas briefly.
  • After class I then ran into Akash and Yash (College in a nutshell: you’re constantly running into people) next to the amphitheater. We chilled out on the steps until Yash had to leave for class, then Akash and I went to go laze around on the Lawn. We ran into Hariharan yet again.
  • Whilst on the Lawn, I met two of Akash’s friends, Anandi and Nawal, who were both very sweet.
    • Which then led me to Noor’s place for a follow-up discussion.
  • I then went to practice piano in Old Cabell. Wesley joined me for a bit to rehearse. I love Wesley by the way.
  • After that I headed to The Pav where Alex was eating. Ran into Marie, Sahana, and Urvi. Noor joined in as well.
  • Went to Collaborative Piano, but I didn’t actually play today.
  • Went to the Wilson Journal Launch, mostly just to show my face and to see IRO people.
    • Sigh. You know why I’m sighing.
  • Came home. Caught up with Puja over text.
  • Napped.
  • Watched an episode of New Girl.
  • Emotional update: I’m not really even sure. I just feel tired. And in need of a rejuvenation of sorts.
  • Oh, Ali also decided to be complicated again last night. But that isn’t really on my mind, so I’m just going to leave it at that.
  • I just need to make it to Oxford. That means surviving the rest of the semester…and Beach Week with Mr. Prosperous. Which I’m quite frankly already anxious about.
  • Moving on is hard, but it’s especially hard when you constantly see that person/have mutual friends/are in the same club/talk in the same group chats. And honestly…it doesn’t help when part of you knows that that door for just being purely physical is still open.
    • And I know that door is reaaaaallllllllly going to swing open during Beach Week. Hence the anxiety.
    • Or even if it doesn’t just swing open for me, I’ll try and push it open. And then it’ll just be a repeat of Miami.
  • I know what’s good for me and what the right thing to do is. Moreover, I realize that I need to have some respect for myself – this is a guy who has quite bluntly admitted that he has no feelings for me, but moreover, a guy who honestly hasn’t maintained a real or genuine friendship with me either. Which would be totally fine if I had the same attitude towards him – but I CLEARLY do not. I mean, I regularly dream about this guy.
  • Sigh. I need space, and time. A distraction. A rebound, even. And to just keep reminding myself that, Shreya, c’mon – this guy doesn’t really give any fucks about you.
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