April 9, 2016

  • Shanu and I spoke in the morning about this new project idea where we want to spread little-known radical ideas in different academic fields. Changing the world one radical idea at a time.
  • Ally and I went and got breakfast at OHill together.
  • I came back to the dorm, worked on my research paper, and showered. I realized that writing/genuinely working helps me feel a lot better.
  • Ally and I got ready for Restoration Ball. We met some of The Cartel as well as Noor, Neil, and Jaina at Basil for dinner, then we headed to the pregame at Zuhayr’s place. There was sangria and we danced a bit.
  • And then there was the actual Restoration Ball in the Amphitheater, hosted by Jeff Soc and co-sponsored by IRO. They had a live band and beautiful decorations. It took a while for me to get into it – my mind was definitely a bit occupied – but once we all really started dancing together and the band played some more well-known songs I had a blast.
  • Afterwards we went to Will’s/Grant’s place for postgame. We chilled and I had a Sex on the Beach. Ali yelled a lot about grain hoarding. Will got angry that someone touched his Playstation 4. Pranav talked about cigars. We danced to Drop the Bomb (Allahu Akbar). Just IRO things. I’m really glad that I’m hanging out with the first years more.
  • Oh. And I found out that I was accepted into the UVA at Oxford summer study abroad program!!!
  • Then Olivia, Ally, and I came back to Kellogg and ordered Insomnia Cookies at like 2:30 in the morning. We played “truth or truth” and Olivia spent the night.
  • How am I feeling? Better, I think. Restoration Ball helped, especially since I didn’t have to see him there. He still won’t leave my head, but it isn’t overtaking my life or anything. I did have a dream about him, but that’s honestly nothing new. It’s okay. Hurt doesn’t go away quickly, and I know that. There are moments when I do feel angry and upset at him for having been so involved with me physically and completely not caring/having it be meaningless. Sure, the anger isn’t fair to him, but it’s there anyways. I guess guys who really just want 100% no strings attached just aren’t to my taste/rub me the wrong way. Some people can do it, but I can’t. I don’t like anything in my life to be meaningless. That and the fact that he could be so blunt and straightforward in his speech on Friday rubs me the wrong way, given our history. Part of it is probably also that he hurt my ego (and on that note I would tell him that, hey, by the way, everyone has an ego, and you certainly do too).
  • Anyhow, let’s see what happens. Hopefully within a couple weeks all will be well and back to normal.

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