March 13, 2016

  • Back in CVille today. Papa drove me and Noor down after brunch.
  • I’ve been pretty down lately. The events that transpired over spring break have been on my mind a lot.
  • I’ve decided that it’s okay to feel hurt. I’m vulnerable, but I know I can’t be angry or spiteful as a defense mechanism. Whatever particular issue I had, I expressed verbally. Now I guess it’s just on me to deal with the hurt. And I will deal with it.
  • What sucks mostly is the continued hope. A silly, naive part of me hopes that at some point he’ll change his mind. And also the memory of being turned down after giving so much – that sucks too. Rejection is never fun.
  • It’s hard not to question if there’s something wrong with me. Am I not attractive enough? Not cool enough? Not clever enough?
  • Maybe I should avoid him for a while to avoid getting hurt again.
  • But I know that won’t happen, because of that hope thing. Even another kiss will be worth it.
  • Am I setting myself up to just keep getting hurt?
  • Why do I even like him. This is strange.
  • It’ll hurt a lot if he pushed me away again. Or to see him with someone else. Not fun to think about.

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